My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
