Plan B is the new Plan A
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
