I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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