just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
