You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
