Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize