My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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