I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize
