franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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