i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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