She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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