no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
