going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize