It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
