Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
