did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize