Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
