He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
