it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
