She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we're making bets on your personal life
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
