There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
