That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
