the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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