Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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