I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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