Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
