I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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