I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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