I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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