ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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