why do cheetos always look like penises
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You're like the curious george of whores
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
