In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I party with great urgency now.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
