I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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