He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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