When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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