my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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