i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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