My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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