my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
