...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
