I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
