My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
