I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
