I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
