I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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