theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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