hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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