Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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