I haven't been this sober since birth.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
