I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm having to shit out rocks
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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