Sacagawea was the original milf.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize