did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
