I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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