she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Randomize
