after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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