my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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