even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
