Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
