There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
