69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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