he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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