The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
