4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I wish I could punch you in the face.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
