I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
