you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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