I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize