I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
