I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
