Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.

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(516): View more from New York

I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high

(808): View more from Hawaii

worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

nevermind....I'm on the way

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(303): View more from Colorado

I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.

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(231): View more from Michigan

Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.

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(718): View more from New York

knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.

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(716): View more from New York

you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.

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(443): View more from Maryland

I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?

(703): View more from Virginia

Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god

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