Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
