2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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