smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
