do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
