I want to make a zoo with you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
