No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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