mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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