You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
