New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
