The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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