I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
