Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
