tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
