On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize