I faked an abortion last night.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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