i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
