I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
