she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
