he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
