i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Randomize
