ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you never un-have a 4some
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
