his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
