Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
