I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
