My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
