my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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