what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize