she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
