she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
