I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize