a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
