I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize