i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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