Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
