I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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