i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
