These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
