I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
