I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
