I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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